Blonde Joke

[Queen of Blades]

The other day my neighbor, who is blonde, came running up to me in the driveway just jumping for joy!

I didn't know why she was jumping for joy but I thought, what the heck, and I started jumping up and down along with her. She said, "I have some really great news!" I said,"Great. Tell me why you're so happy." She stopped jumping and, breathing heavily from all the jumping up and down, told me that she was pregnant! I knew that she had been trying for a while so I told her, "That's great! I couldn't be happier for you!" Then she said, "There's more."

I asked,"What do you mean 'more'?" She said, "Well, we are not having just one baby. We are going to have TWINS!" Amazed at how she could know so soon after getting pregnant, I asked her how she knew. She said...





"I bought a home pregnancy kit in a twin-pack. Both tests came out positive!"

[St. Croix]

With all things being equal, if a blonde and a brunette jump out of an airplane at the same time...who hits the ground first?

The brunette. The blonde has to stop and ask for directions.

St. Croix

[PalmettoB]

With all things being equal, if a blonde and a brunette jump out of an airplane at the same time...who hits the ground first?

The brunette. The blonde has to stop and ask for directions.

St. Croix

Insert "Rimshot" here! :rofl

[Queen of Blades]

A blonde, a redhead and a brunette sign up with a tourist group for a chartered-double-decker bus trip to London. There are only 2 seats left on the bottom of the bus, and only 1 seat on the top of the bus available when they board. The young ladies decide to take turns riding on the top, and flip a coin to see who gets the first turn. The blonde wins the toss.

A couple of hours later, it's the redhead's turn. She takes the steps to the top and sees the blonde, sitting there scared half to death. She's clutching the seat in front of her so hard that her knuckles are white.

"What's goin' on?" the redhead asks. "We're havin' a grand old time down below, singing and laughing."

The blonde replies, "Yeah, but you've got a driver."

[PalmettoB]

Hey, who's driving this crazy thing??!!

Too funny!

[Queen of Blades]

A car was driving down the street when all of a sudden it started swerving. The car was going back and forth till someone with a cell phone called the police. A police officer pulled the car over.

A blonde rolls down the window and says, " Officer, I'm so glad you are here. I saw a tree in the road, then I saw another. So I had to swerve to keep from hitting it!"

The officer looks at her, then says, "Ma'am, that's your air freshener."

[Queen of Blades]

Three women are about to be executed. One's a brunette, one's a redhead, and one's a blonde. Two guards brings the brunette forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.

She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ." Suddenly the brunette yells, "earthquake!!" Everyone is startled and looks around. She manages to escape.

The angry guards then bring the redhead forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ." The redhead then screams, "tornado!!" Yet again, everyone is startled and looks around. She too escapes execution.

By this point, the blonde had figured out what the others did. The guards bring her forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She also says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."

The blonde shouts, "fire!!"

[moviemaniac]

tee hee, those are great! I love blonde jokes :rofl :rofl :rofl

[Queen of Blades]

A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?"

In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something."

"Our bartender IS blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2", weighs 225, and he's a rugby player. The fella to your right is 6'5" pushing 300 and he's a wrestler. Each one of US is blonde. Think about it, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"

The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

[Michael]

I don't get it.....



:rofl:rofl:rofl

[Queen of Blades]

I don't get it.....


I didn't expect you to. :p

[Joe C]

What do you call a blond who dyes her hair brunette?
Artificial Intelligence

What is it called when you blow in a blonde's ear?
Brain Transplant

[Queen of Blades]

A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out. Her boss, concerned about all his employees' well being, asked sympathetically, "What's the matter?"

The blonde replies, "Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away."

The boss, feeling very sorry at this point, explains to the young girl. "Why don't you go home for the day, we aren't terribly busy. Just take the day off to relax and rest."

The blonde very calmly states, "No, I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it and I have the best chance of doing that here."

The boss agrees and allows the blonde to work as usual. "If you need anything, just let me know."

Well, a few hours pass and the boss decides to check on the blonde. He looks out over his office and sees the blonde hysterically crying!! He rushes out to her, asking, "What's so bad now. Are you gonna be ok?"

"No!" exclaims the blonde. "I just got a call from my sister. She told me that HER mom died too!"

[TraderJoe]

"No!" exclaims the blonde. "I just got a call from my sister. She told me that HER mom died too!"

Thats so sad :sad023

[moviemaniac]

Thats so sad :sad023
indeedy :(

[Spirit_of_76]

80,000 blondes meet to hold a "Blondes Aren't Stupid " festival.
The woman in charge of the meeting rises to her feet and exclaims,
"Before we leave here we will prove to the rest of the world that blondes are not stupid."
This is met with rapturous applause from the audience.
"First of all I'm going to need a volunteer," says the MC.
A young blonde woman caught up in the pro-blonde hysteria rises to her feet and accepts the invitation.
"OK, we'll start slowly," says the organiser, "I'll ask you a simple question and we'll see if you get it right."
"Okay," says the blonde.
"What is 5 x 5?"
The volunteer furrows her brow focusing hard on the question, desperate not to let her fellow blondes down.
"55," she says, clearly struggling with the extra mental pressure.
"I'm sorry, that's wrong," says the organiser (having checked it on a calculator, she's blonde too after all.)
The woman is visibly distressed, but the other 79,999 blondes start shouting out,
"GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE!"
Not wanting to upset the crowd the organiser relents and asks the volunteer,
"What is 3 plus 3?"
The woman thinks for a while and answers,
"33."
"That's wrong again."
The blonde volunteer's lower lip starts to tremble and the other blondes once again start shouting out:
"GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE!"
Seeing how upset the volunteer is the organiser gives in for a second time and agrees to ask this volunteer one last question.
"What is 1 plus 2?"
The volunteer thinks for a while and then answers,
"3."
Then the rest of the audience starts shouting'
"GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE!"

[moviemaniac]

blonde lemmings, lol :rofl