Made me Laugh

[madmedic]

Several men are in the changing room of a golf club.
A mobile phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free
speaker-function and begins to talk.
Everyone else in the room stops to listen.
MAN: "Hello"
WOMAN: "Darling, it's me. Are you at the club?"
MAN: "Yes"
WOMAN: "I am at the shopping centre and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only £1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"
MAN: "Sure...go ahead if you like it that much

WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2007 models.I saw one I really liked."
MAN: "How much?"
WOMAN: "£70,000"
MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."
WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing...The house I wanted last year is back on the market.They're asking £950,000"
MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer of £900,000. They will probably take it. If not, we can go the extra 50 thousand. It really is a pretty good price."
WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!!"
MAN: "Bye! I love you, too."
The man hangs up. The other men in the changing room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths agape.....
He smiles and asks:"Anyone know whose phone is this? "

[SSLSTudio...]

Hahahaahha :happy102 :happy102

[crackstar]

Bravo, Brian, Jeff like! :happy102

Jeff

[Mama Bear]

LIVING WILL


While I was watching the football games last weekend, my wife and I
got into a conversation about life and death, and the need for
living wills.

During the course of the conversation, I told her that I never
wanted to exist in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine
andtaking fluids from a bottle.
She got up, unplugged the TV and threw out all my beer.

Sometimes it's tough being married to a smartass.

[Mama Bear]

One-Question IQ Test


Here's a one-question IQ Test to help you decide how you should
spend the rest of your day......

There is a mute who wants to buy a toothbrush.

By imitating the action of brushing one's teeth, he successfully
expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is done.

Now, if there is a blind man who wishes to buy a pair of
sunglasses, how should he express himself?

Think about it first before scrolling down for the answer...











He opens his mouth and says. "I would like to buy a pair of
sunglasses"

If you got this wrong -- please turn off your computer and call it a day.

I've got mine shutting down right now.

(You know you missed it too, so shut down your computer)
Thank you ! ! !

[SSLSTudio...]

Not this time Sue !!!!

I already knew that one from a previous powerpoint presentation filled with these jokes !
There were even more brain killers , hilarious I fell for almost all of them...
but not this time...PC stays on.....:cool:

[Mama Bear]

Not this time Sue !!!!

I already knew that one from a previous powerpoint presentation filled with these jokes !
There were even more brain killers , hilarious I fell for almost all of them...
but not this time...PC stays on.....:cool:

I actually fell for this one twice.. once a year ago and once yesterday when I kept saying, Oh! I know the answer to this one!! What is it tho...?? :ashamed001 :o

[PalmettoB]

In case you run out of standard insults, here are a few with some real imagination... "When Insults Had Class":


"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." -- Winston Churchill

"A modest little person, with much to be modest about." -- Winston Churchill

"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure."
-- Clarence Darrow

"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary."
-- William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)

"Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?"
-- Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)

"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." -- Moses Hadas

"He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know." -- Abraham Lincoln

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." -- Groucho Marx

"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." -- Mark Twain

"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends." -- Oscar Wilde

"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play, bring a friend... if you have one."
-- George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill

"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one." -- Winston Churchill, in response

"I feel so miserable without you, it's almost like having you here." -- Stephen Bishop

"He is a self-made man and worships his creator." -- John Bright

"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." -- Irvin S. Cobb

"He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others." -- Samuel Johnson

"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." -- Paul Keating

"He had delusions of adequacy." -- Walter Kerr

"There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure." -- Jack E. Leonard

"He has the attention span of a lightning bolt." -- Robert Redford

"They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge." -- Thomas Brackett Reed

"He inherited some good instincts from his Quaker forebears, but by diligent hard work, he overcame them." -- James Reston (about Richard Nixon)

"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." -- Charles, Count Talleyrand

"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him."
-- Forrest Tucker

"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?"-- Mark Twain

"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork."-- Mae West

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go."-- Oscar Wilde

"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather than illumination."-- Andrew Lang (1844-1912)

"He has Van Gogh's ear for music."
-- Billy Wilder

[Mama Bear]

Oh I love those... There should be more Mae West tho..... :: Thank you Blair!

[PalmettoB]

A blonde walks into a library, walks up to the desk, and says in a slightly-louder-than-normal speaking voice, "I'd like a double burger, fries, and a chocolate shake."

The harried librarian, in a disdainful voice, tells the blonde, "This is a library!"

The blonde looks around at the people reading, studying and choosing books off the shelves, then turns back to the librarian.....

And in a near whisper says,



"I'd like a double burger, fries and a chocolate shake."